suicidemission | like a match to gasoline

Chuck's hand moves beneath his and Raleigh's afraid he's going to take it back , but instead he just turns his over and flexes, like he's expecting something. Raleigh leaps for the opportunity, doing what he'd originally desired and threading his slightly thinner fingers between Chuck's warm ones. His callouses from the Wall, and Chuck's, presumably from working on Striker slide together, and Raleigh thinks it's maybe the best thing he's felt with his body instead of his brain in six years.

"I appreciate that." He murmurs, but his focus isn't on their conversation anymore.

Chuck wets his lips and he's suddenly wracked with nervous, tense and conflicting emotions.

What are you doing, why're you opening yourself up like this - it's just a hand holding, Christ Hansen, get the fuck over yourself. It's not a big deal - YES it is a big deal you fucking moron, it's a big damn deal and you're letting him -- no, INVITING him to hold your hand like you're something, like you're actually worth his goddamn time, are you stupid or something? Pull back! Now!

He doesn't, though. Instead he sort of clutches Raleigh's hand like it's a lifeline and like he's proving to himself that it's okay, that maybe he is worth Raleigh's time, and that he might just be good enough for Raleigh to spend a second on. He grips desperately, holds on like he's clinging to him to keep from being jerked away, using Raleigh as a grounding agent, the one thing on the planet that's keeping him tethered safely down instead of floating off into nothingness.

"Sure," he says hoarsely, looking away, still clutching that hand as his eyes fix on something across the room, "anytime."

Raleigh can feel Chuck's body turn into a line of tension next to him, but he doesn't know what's caused it or how to fix it. Chuck's hold on him is too tight for what his intentions had been when he threaded their fingers, but Raleigh squeezes back in a tentative attempt as reassurance. He doesn't mind the way Chuck's focused on him, he just wished he could understand what was going through Chuck's brain a little better.

Gently, he presses his forehead to the side of Chuck's head when he turns it. It's not the most perfect positions, but he's also trying to give Chuck a chance to reciprocate or shrug him off if it's too much too soon. He wants, so fucking badly to not be alone for the rest of his life. To actually build something he can count on between the two of them. Whether that's friendship, or the relationship Raleigh wants from him, well he's leaving that up to Chuck.

He could do a lot better than Raleigh Becket after all.

If Chuck knew what Raleigh was thinking he'd punch him square in the solar plexus and stomp off, muttering something like goddamn idiot under his breath, but they're not Drift partners, Chuck's never been in Raleigh's head, he's got no idea what's running through the blonde pilots head right now.

Chuck knows he's gotta be projecting conflicting things though; he's holding Raleigh's hand but he's tense, straight backed, clutching Becket's hand so tightly he's probably cutting off the circulation, and he's moments away from untangling himself and getting him because this is a bad idea, he's an idiot, he's ridiculous--

and then Raleigh's forehead is pressing against Chuck's head and the tension bleeds from him like he's been gutted. It seeps out and into the couch, pooling underneath him and Chuck exhales, eyes closing, and he shifts, turns a little to lean into Raleigh, his hand relaxing in its grip.

"Raleigh--" he starts, hesitates, then thinks fuck it, and leans in, lips inches from his--

and then the door opens and Mako's there, hands on her hips and looking bemused, lips pressed together in a tight line.

Raleigh can't believe he did the right thing, but he must have because Chuck's whole body sags and melts into him. He even leans closer to Raleigh and says his name, correctly and like it means something. It's everything Raleigh wants, to be this close and having Chuck trust him.

Chuck leans in and Raleigh knows what's coming, he can feel Chuck's breath against his lips. He's waiting for it, because it has to be Chuck's choice, his decision to make, but then the door opens and Raleigh doesn't know if he's ever going to get this close again, so he takes the shot and presses their lips together before Chuck can turn his head and see Mako standing there.

Chuck hears the door open and his eyes open and he briefly panics, lips parting a little in surprise why hadn't he locked the damn door. Raleigh surprises him even more though and he finds Raleigh's mouth on his and it's like that fire blooms into a full blown flame inside of his soul and he squeaks in his shock, hand tightening on Raleigh's for lack of anything else to do.

Mako stares, dips her head and smiles quietly, then backs out and shuts the door softly behind her.

She can come back for them, in a moment. This seems important.

And it is -- Chuck's startled and dazed and he'd meant to lean in and kiss Raleigh, of course he did, but then the door and Raleigh'd finished what he started and now he's shifting, pushing himself up and sliding himself closer.

Raleigh can feel Mako retreat in the piece of brain devoted to her and he's definitely giving her that jacket, and something else she likes if he can find anything. His thoughts are thoroughly derailed though, by Chuck who despite his original surprise, was responding more enthusiastically than Raleigh had ever hoped to his gambit.

He reorients himself to face Chuck, one leg half up on the couch and he's resisting the urge to go too fast, press himself too close or climb into his lap. Instead, he hums into Chuck's mouth and brings the hand not twined with Chuck's up to his face, cupping the side of it and stroking his thumb along the strong line of his jaw.

It’s not how he expected to do this; kissing Raleigh in the dressing room of an TV station after they’d stomped out after an interview – after he’d saved Raleigh’s ass twice from that bitchy hostess. He’d sort of envisioned it going a lot differently but somehow, this is – it’s just fine. It’s just right. And maybe Chuck’s a little gun shy, a little afraid of the consequences and terrified to open himself up to Raleigh but the way Raleigh fits right there against him is so nice, so warm and good and right Chuck can’t find fault in any of his actions right now.

Instead, he does like Raleigh, sort of turns to him, leaning in, wanting more – but reluctant to let go of their twined hands. It kind of makes it awkward, but that hand is keeping Chuck grounded and he’s afraid if Raleigh lets go without pinning him down that he’ll flee out of sheer survival instincts - don’t get close, don’t let anyone in, cause you can die at any time and then where will you be? He’d seen glimpses, images in his Dad’s head of how it felt to lose his mother and that first Drift had been so fucking rough; he’d grieved for days after, for a mother, for a wife, for the person who’d kissed bruises better and for a woman he didn’t really know.

It’s not like that anymore, though – the war is over, the breach is closed, Pitfall a success. He doesn’t have to be afraid, but years of closing himself off and focusing on nothing but the war and his jaeger (Striker was home, Max was his friend and he’d needed nothing, no one else) has Chuck jaded.

He pulls in a ragged, shaking breath, breaking the kiss for a moment to let his forehead rest against Raleigh’s, eyes closing as he tries to reorient himself and bring himself back to focus. He opens his eyes, parts his lips to speak but instead just finds himself studying the lines of Raleigh’s face and lifting his free hand to cup the side of his neck. Raleigh’s touching him and he likes it, likes the contact, even if it’s such a strange thing to him. He’s not used to physical affection.

“You imagine it’d be like this, Rahleigh?”

He drawls Raleigh's name, rolling it around in his mouth, tasting the way it feels coupled with the lingering hint of the man himself on his tongue.

Feels pretty good.

Chuck pulls back and for a split second Raleigh thinks he did too much, went too far and ruined it, but then Chuck's forehead rests gently against his and they're catching their breaths together. Raleigh is---entirely happy for the moment and he had forgotten what that felt like. There isn't a bitter tinge of sadness or any regrets or unfulfilled wishes, just happiness pure and simple.

A hand, large, warm, and comfortably solid settles on the side of his neck and he loves that, the way Chuck is returning his affection tit for tat. Then Chuck says his name, drawing it out in a way that should have reminded him of teasing and the way they hurt each other, but instead this close, this content, it makes his shut his eyes and shiver just a bit even though he's definitely too hot in the coat and his sweater now. It takes him a second to answer the question even if he reopens his eyes right away.

"I didn't start imagining a future until I strapped in for Pitfall." He murmurs. "I've got bad timing, but this--even if I figured out I wanted it. I couldn't imagine it this great."

His fingers curl against the skin of Raleigh's neck; he can feel that Becket is too hot; he's probably dying under the weight of that stupid sweater he always wears and coupled with Chuck's jacket, he's probably starting to feel like he's in a sauna.

Chuck distinctly notes that Raleigh still has made no move to peel himself out of that jacket.

"Great," he repeats uncertainly, still close, still touching, lips still close enough to Raleigh's that he can feel faint puffs of air when he speaks.

"Y'really think so?"

That makes Chuck warm, and little strange, fluttering sensations pool in his belly and he's not sure what to make of that.

Raleigh doesn't know if Chuck's uncertainty comes from not believing him, or something else entirely, but he wants to banish it. He wants Chuck to be comfortable with this so that they can have it everyday for as long as they can take it. He brushes his thumb along Chuck's jawbone again, and squeezes their hands, still woven together.

"Don't say things I don't mean." He repeats from a conversation that seems like half a lifetime ago when he'd had Chuck shirtless in his room. He smiles then, and punctuates his words with a another chaste press of his lips to Chuck's.

Chuck gives him a wobbly little smile; one of those rare things that seem to be reserved for Raleigh only.

"I know."

This time, when Raleigh leans in he doesn't shy away. Instead, he meets him in the middle, brushing their lips together carefully, gently. Raleigh keeps it sweetly chaste and Chuck slides the hand on his neck up and into his hair, fingers curling into blond strands to tug, wanting him closer, closer, closer.

Raleigh hadn't meant for his little kiss to turn into this again, but Chuck's got other plans it seems, and he's being so fucking gently. It makes Raleigh feel precious or cherished or something else like that that he's never been before. It sends another shiver down his spine and he wants so much to have this forever.

He makes an encouraging noise when Chuck tugs on his hair, because it feels so good, and he's reminded of just how solid Chuck is across from him. He moved closer like Chuck seems to want, half into his lap, as he runs his free hand down Chuck's neck to rest on his chest.

Chuck usually doesn't have a gentle bone in his body; he's full of fire, he smolders and he kisses like he fights - wild, passionate, full of energy. He's holding back now only because this is so new and he's so goddamn nervous and he doesn't wanna fuck anything up.

But then Raleigh makes that noise and Chuck just has to do it again, it's like Raleigh's asking him to. Their one set of hands is still joined and he pulls; Raleigh's already half in his lap and a push and tug and it's obvious that Chuck wants him fully there, straddling him against that couch. He deepens the kiss, aggressively and deliberately licking his way into Raleigh's mouth, lips sliding over lips, tongue insistently pressing in, wanting to taste him.

"C'mere," he growls against Raleigh's mouth, hold tightening.

Raleigh doesn't need to be told twice. He doesn't know what he did to reassure Chuck or flip this switch-whatever, but it's fantastic. He climbs all the way on top of him, planting a kneed on either side of his thighs and finally he has to reluctantly shrug out of the jacket. He's too hot so close to Chuck, but it's okay because he's got the man instead of his things. He has to unthread their fingers for just a second to get the sleeve off, but then he's grasping Chuck's hand again.

His mouth is open and welcome for Chuck's invasion. Raleigh's free hand slides around his ribs, fingers pressing into Chuck's back, between the dress shirt and the undershirt. He's half hard in his pants like he hasn't been in ages, and he knows Chuck can probably feel it. This isn't really the place, it's not the place at all especially when they still had to be able to walk out, but Raleigh couldn't bring himself to stop. Not with the way it feels like Chuck's trying to consume him.

"Chuck." It's the only thing he can say when they come up for air.

For the first time in a very long time, Chuck feels alive. He feels like he sees things in vivid color, that every scent in the room is overwhelming him and the taste of Raleigh Becket on his tongue has his head spinning dizzily, leaving him panting and reeling and clutching at Raleigh's shirt desperately.

Now that he's pinned down with Raleigh's weight on top of him, it's safer to let go of their hand hold, but he's eager for it again when Raleigh reaches back for it, and he threads their fingers, squeezing to remind himself it's real.

Chuck knows that Raleigh's getting caught up in his fire, flames threatening to engulf them both right here, in this dressing room and he should stop, they should stop. Mako's waiting, they're lingering and this is hardly the place to go any further but Chuck--

He's afraid. If they stop, if they let this moment go, Chuck doesn't know how long it'll take Raleigh to break down all of his walls again, or if they're permanently torn down or what.

He pants against Raleigh's lips when they break apart to breath, his hand slid up Raleigh's back that's now a little more accessable without Chuck's leather jacket in the way (nice, but Chuck was a little sorry to see it go).

"You sure?" He demands roughly, fingers clutching at the material of that sweater. "I'm a train wreck, Becket." He knows it. Everyone does. "Not -- it's not gonna be easy. I'm not gonna make it easy."

Chuck's volatile. His temperament is terrible. He's a wadded up ball of passion and anger.

"Tell me you're sure."

Chuck's hand is a warm weight on the middle of his back and one of the new things Raleigh's letting himself want now, is a nap stretched out on top of Chuck with the warm weights of his arms around him. He forces himself to focus on what Chuck's saying rather than what his body is feeling.

"If you're a train wreck, I'm a jaeger wreck." Raleigh half laughs, but it's the sorry truth. Neither one of them is exactly in the best of mental health. "But I'm sure. Neither of us would be worth it, if it was easy. Not with everything we've seen and done."

He kisses Chuck quickly and squeezes their hands. "I'm sure. We're going to fuck it up a lot. Almost every day probably, because I'm not going to talk and you're going to yell, but we'll work on it and in between that...we'll be like this."

His palm smoothes up and down Raleigh's back, enjoying the contact and the heat he feels radiating off the older Ranger's body.

"Will it be worth it, though?" He wants to know. "I mean, fuck, Becket -- 's not pretty, when we fight."

He's gonna hurt Raleigh. He knows he is and he hates himself for it already -- he's wary again, pulling back a little and looking up at Raleigh with tired eyes.

There's no hesitation when Raleigh replies.

"I think it will be. If I could get back in Gipsy after five years and four months under just my own power I think together we can make a relationship work."

He runs his hands down Chuck's chest and sighs. "I don't think there's anything we can do to hurt each other worse than stuff we've already been through. And I think we'll get better as we go. You're a quick learner. We'll understand each other better eventually."

Maybe Raleigh's right, maybe it won't crash and burn. Chuck's not convinced but he's had a taste of something great and he doesn't want to let it go. He's selfish that way.

"Gonna hurt you," he says out loud, slowly sliding his hand up to cup the back of Raleigh's head, carding his fingers through Raleigh's hair.

"Sorry."

Raleigh tilts his head back, resting it in the curve of Chuck's palm.

"Yeah, I know. It's alright. Just keep rescuing me from shitty reporters and warming me up."

He grins. "Let me nap on you some more and we'll call it all even."

"Could deal with that, probably."

He gives Raleigh a slow, lazy kind of smile, then jerks him down to kiss him again, greedy because he's thinking maybe he finally has something of his own.

It'll be work, but -- Chuck's always worked for things, anyway. That isn't anything new. Raleigh's too good for him but maybe if he tries to fix himself at least a little, he can maybe feel like he's almost good enough for Raleigh.

Mako's still outside the door, patient and waiting and holding off anyone trying to eject the two pilots that are still too wrapped up in each other to remember they've got a bus to catch.

Raleigh wants to see Chuck smile like that every day. Stretching and lingering nice and slow, just for him. He kisses back until a soft knock sounds on the door.

"Mako's probably waited long enough. We've gotta go."

Reluctantly, he climbs off Chuck's lap and calls to Mako.

"Come on in. We're decent." He throws a rogue grin at Chuck to go with that statement.

He makes a noise of complaint when Raleigh climbs off of his lap, hand scrambling for his wrist to tug him back, but missing.

Raleigh's right, though. Mako's waited a while and the things he'd like to do, like to continue aren't suited for this environment.

Later, maybe. When he can get Raleigh alone.

"Yeah, yeah," he growls, getting to his feet as Mako opens the door, looking between them with quiet smusement, lips twitching with a hidden smile.

"The bus is here," she tells them lightly, hands folded calmly in front of her. "We can go, now."

Raleigh tosses Chuck his bag and his jacket as he shoulders his own and wraps an arm around Mako to squeeze her shoulders.

"Thanks for guarding the door. We had to work a couple of things out while we had our courage."

He pauses a moment, smiling at Chuck.

"So, how bad of a feeding frenzy did we make with the media?"

Mako hums a little as they follow her out.

"You are lucky. Your face was enough to make them hate her instead of Chuck. It helped that you followed Chuck out, even after the remark he shouldn't have made." She eyes Chuck for a moment, promising a painful spar, and then she smiles. "It was cute. Like you were saying you're the only one allowed to pull Raleigh's pigtails."

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I need groceries but I don't want to move.

Moving is overrated

I have no food though..../sighs/

hmm that is a dilemma.....

Think I'll go at two maybe...when the lunch crowd is gone

This is a good plan

=3

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Noooot sure where you want to go with this one next